Saturday 18 April 2009

The early struggles [segment of my journey]

I used to have this obsession to be different, that I asked myself what should I be dreaming of when most dreams are typical… stereotypical.
Hence I wandered around quite a lot throughout my life, looking for my unique journey…taking on a dream that can only be mine. From third year towards secondary school graduation year, I was on my personal downward spiral, a rebel to almost everything but keeping it on my own. I am even questioning the relevance of the information being pumped into my tired brain :-) but perhaps I am just tired from playing video games and reading komiks with the illusions these stimulate.
After graduation, my family is simply running out of funds to further finance my studies, nevertheless I took the courage to try PBMIT engineering. However, even subjects that are supposed to be easy suddenly cannot be absorbed by my rebellious mind. With all these and the financial pressure, I succumbed and started hunting for a job straight into summer. How happy I was to land my first job that sounds good to me, besting other applicants to become the "maintenance boy" of Centropark, Rizal Avenue Batangas city. Then reality sets in, my salary is not even enough to sustain myself, I worked 12 hours for around 2PHP per hour! The salesladies are nice and mostly pretty, but no thanks, the generator is too huge for me to start-up for every brownout so prevalent those days, worst time was when that beast of a gen-set cut the forefinger of the company driver who was once trying to help me out; what a way to give me such a phobia. The boxes are too heavy to carry to the stockroom up the stairs for the wage that cannot even buy me a good lunch from a turo-turo. I wonder how it can be for my colleague on the other store who plans to marry her beautiful saleslady, I kept wondering. 
Back to my hometown after my disappointing first city job, I found myself back to the farm works, and it's worse because I am cursed for having learned to compute how much I am earning for every blisters on my palms, from those liters of sweat under the charring sunlight and the shivers while gathering coconuts to save from tropical rain flood...it kept echoing within my brain those of my father's words when he was about to bring me to Batangas for High School education, I am not made for the farm...too lousy to be a farmer and he thinks I am bright enough for the pen. 
 After that summer of 1991, there I was back to Batangas city for another try, looking for a job to support the studies on what I have left from first year of engineering. Jollibee that has become very popular and offers quite a glamorous part time job those days for teeners opened a branch in Batangas. Wow, the queue of the handsome and beautiful teenagers among ordinary boys like me in Batangas City gymnasium took me 3 hours to get my interview, 10 seconds and it's done. I knew I was too ordinary for it. They never called me. I ended up selling dummy filter screens for TV, to block the radiation, the proprietor said. I was too naive, I did sell some for the experience and for the money and , I realized I grew tall enough to have my first GF, a nice lady 5 years my senior who’s among the top-sellers of the company, but that's another story, this one's for the struggles. That segment brought my wandering soul around town. Then I realized we were duping people and it was painful I was duped too. Nothing that PVC screens can do against radiation. We were selling it for too much promises and price just to remove the glare. I knew I have to quit it. First batch of Jollibee part timers are about to "endo" and there's Smokeys right across the street looking for service crews. I filled up two bio-data templates I bought from Formosa...I can be luckier this time, with enough height and I have learned to smile nicely as salesman on my previous job. Mrs. Laurel of Smokeys and Jollibee managers took turns to interview me...aha, looks like I am having my revenge this time because both offered me the job. Jollibee compensation and glamour is way better, it was too good an offer then to pass-on for a pride. The pay from Jollibee part time work was enough to pay for my completion of those subjects I dropped as PBMIT freshman. That was my first time as well to achieve something from work. I was awarded the best dining service crew of 1991! But the managers were disappointed on the rarity of my smiles to the customers. The new store manager ended my contract as they do for most working students. The good thing was into the summer of 1992, I was able to achieve my regular status in general engineering and with me is the wonderful Jollibee work experience of earning enough for myself and my education...and for a few bottles of beer too. The next school year of 1992, my parents who were may have been encouraged by my efforts decided to shoulder the cost on my pursuit of engineering degree against the tremendous odds of family struggles. I was a full time student again, and found out it feels good to be able to make my own Physics formula and get the same answer, played dare game with my friend on technical writing grade and the most memorable was the applause I got on my presentation of Rizal’s virtues. But on the side, I got hooked to another evil that is gambling. It started from some beginners’ luck that put a couple of hundred pesos in my wallet, and nice treats at Wanam noodle-house for my friends. It ended when I started losing big and realizing I was gambling with my father’s blood and sweat in the livestock trading business at Padre Garcia. I am so glad I was able to stop completely, the first time I swore to do so. However, even if I was able to pass all the subjects to complete General engineering, my motivation remained quite low. When I was about to start on my third year to become a mechanical engineer, my neighbor told me about job openings at Purefoods Flourmill. Nonchalantly, I sent my resume and oh wow, they called me for an interview to work in the laboratory. I knew it’s a serious job opportunity hence on the way for the interview; I tried to memorize as many charming lines as possible on why I should get the job. The long winding rough road from Batangas city to Mabini Purefoods plant went on in a snap, my mind focusing on what to say to the laboratory manager. For having spent quite a lot of time reading books my sister bought from MV Doulus, I realized my verbal reasoning improved quite a lot that I passed the exams, made the interview and landed the job. I know it’s another chapter on my journey towards my still unknown dreams then. My self confidence started to build-up and so I thought…but it was not for long. I took on the challenge to work all night and attend classes from morning till noon. I was not good enough for it…my mind cannot pick-up anything and I fell asleep in Thermodynamics class once. The choice has to be made and I took a simple logic “I am studying to get a job, but I already have one so why bother? I know of some folks who finished school but cannot get the job I have now”. I made a fateful decision to drop all my subjects and then that was the time when school have seen the last of me. But I realized the obsession to be different remained within me despite having a decent job in Purefoods. Where can I get my adventure, the extra-ordinary one? I still cannot fully comprehend what happened to me one day. I have just received my full half month wage the other day. In my head, I am aware of a lot of problems I just cannot solve; at that moment nothing seems to be enough for me. Having worked for two shifts the previous day, I woke up to realize I am late for work, the first time ever in my several months in Purefoods. I felt so discouraged and then I made another more than silly decision; I am not coming for work, I will just ride any ride I can find anywhere, go wherever I may end up to. I ended up way too far, too far and deep into the Bontoc mountains, searching for my adventure, my unique journey my enlightenment, I was waiting for a miracle to come into my soul. Nothing of those came but my sick father who went after me, looking for his son who is lost and nowhere to be found. He and my uncle found me in Baguio when I am also about to go home. I am amazed to my fathers’ instinct knowing where to look for me. Back into my senses, at least I thought so I reported for work in Purefoods. That was after five days of AWOL which was too much for the manager. My reasons were too dumb for any amount of compassion and I got suspended for one week. How ironic that I was forced to stay away from work for staying away from it. I was fired after a round of review by the HR vice president. That was despite the petition from my supervisors, a letter from all of them for the manager to give me a chance to prove I have learned my lesson. Nevertheless, I am forever grateful to them for expressing I was appreciated in spite of my foolishness. Now that I am jobless again and no motivation to go back to school, back to farm works again for a while with the same problems as before. I took another short stint at Jollibee after the summer on a re-contract that I was not able to finish due to an opportunity offered by my sister who got a connection in Lipa city government. To be continued...

Friday 10 April 2009

Random thoughts...

If we are spending most of our effort trying to stop somebody from doing something - then we must carefully examine our true purpose in life. Indeed we must support both of those we like and we hate if for anything to get things done for the common good of the majority.

There was never anything wrong with the struggles of life or the conditions that leads to such struggles. Such made our life meaningful as we overcome each of those. But when our chance to overcome such struggle is taken away from us that is what to be such a condition that calls for true revolution.

Greed in some ways drive our economy and has kept things moving. What we must fight against is the greed that holds us down. We cannot ask all our people to be saints all at once - but we can ask them to do some useful deeds.

Clear objective is the most important pre-requisite to deliver results by optimal means - clear objectives at different levels, overall, team level, sub-team level, individual and the periodic dimensions of each.

How many years it will take us to run out of fears and run full of love - never losing hope.

Balance of being rational and being emotional - can you rationalize why you like or hate anything or anyone?

Responsibilities with no power - formula for failure
Tasks with no means
Power with little wage drive us into corruption.

When things go beyond logic, let us re-examine our logic.

Who are the real cause of conflicts, is it the tactless or the over-sensitive?

We may have been so self-righteous thinking everyone else is wrong and that we will never die only to realize near the end that we hardly lived and yet yes, we too are about to die.

For as long as we do not have enough indicators or information to see things as they are, we tend to see things as we are. So be careful of the judgments you make unto others as most of these turn out to be a judgment on yourself.


There are three kinds of fulfilment - the objective or answer is handed down to you, when you cheated for it and when you achieve it through fair and honest work. If you are getting your happiness on the first, you need to develop independence, on the second you have to do soul searching and if you regularly do the last one, you must be enjoying your life.

Why is it called soul searching? Because you can hardly see your soul if it's not yet totally lost.

We see the intention of others based on who we are, who they are or the truth.

When we are at least a good part of a good system, for all the good and bad things that come, we never mind who gets the credit nor who is to blame, we just keep making things happen.

There are two political winners in a democratic system, the ones that identifies the sentiments of majority and sides with it or the ones that makes a stand and brings the majority on his side.

Each person has a good and bad side, the role of leadership is to nurture the good side of men.


The power of first reaction - our first reaction to anything is very powerful. It tells us who and how we are, this is the first power; our reaction gives us reflection of ourselves. Friends, we are always told to be careful on what we do and here in Facebook on what we post. However, we may do anything ourselves as initiator once or twice a day or a bit more if we are hyperactive - but we react to someone else's action way more, 10 times, 20 times, maybe a hundred times more… most of our reactions maybe we keep to ourselves and that's the second power that your reaction gives you - you can choose to keep it to yourself or to let it be known, the third power comes into play when you let your reaction be known, it let others to get to know you a little bit more that either commits you to something good or traps you to something otherwise.

Happiness is not about the absence of pain or adversaries, it is about a strong heart and open mind.

Human advancement is not and never will be about trying to stop each other from saying or expressing what we do not want to hear or see, it is about using whatever motivation we get to change for the better from whatever we hear or see from each other. Let's keep making each other better rather than to dwell on suppressive behavior. Never stop thinking, saying or acting about what we really know and feel from within - let's be true, let's thrive on both agreements and disagreements and we might see that both are equally propelling on our way forward, the former being rewarding and satisfying, the latter generates more creativity and passion… 

From a multi-dimensional perspective, there's no point to argue or quarrel about anything - we let ourselves be who we are, let each other do what we do and say what we want to say about each other, when this happens it's going to be a peaceful world of harmony - BUT maybe peace is boring and absence of conflict to fight out of diminishes the nurturing of human spirit…


Adding a question into my prayer - am I sinful enough to be rich?


There are two types of arguments that happens between two parties, the one between those who follow their hearts and does not have enough mind to see the common ground and those who follow their minds but does not have in their hearts what it takes to understand the other side.


Being oppressed is when we are taken advantage of for being obedient, for being honest and for our love of peace.


Who must be put out of business and which ones must be supported to flourish for the benefits of the many…

We have the same access to logic, quite different ways of using it.

Derivatives of what we give, down to what we get - deserve
Too much information for so many, too little wisdom for so few...
We are moved by the embers of our dreams, let it grow into burning fire from within until it becomes a glow of a conquering spirit.
Tests of life - when I am weak and down so low making bad choices and just hoping to see light , who's with me and who's not, who is keeping faith not giving up until I become again truly who I really am...
You can spend all your life trying to make life fair and yet be a miserable failure, but it only takes enough amount of courage to understand why life seems isn't fair because maybe it is after all...
It's the weight on me, why the weight on me...
Your easy smile, in difficult times is all I need to soothe my weary mind.
In this ocean of tasks, keeping myself aware of where I am, my sense of direction, my map and my compass.
Traversing continuous improvement path, everything is beautiful looking back as if miraculous transformation of even the darkest part.
I bend, I sway, I dance to give you the chance but when you go beyond your limit I become a tough & thick wall to break you...
Understanding the uncommon and transcending common sense into wisdom is the first step to enlightenment.

I am a son of a country that most from all over the world loves so much, Filipino triumphs and tragedy is shared far and wide. We sit on top of exploited wealth and so many of our hard working brothers and sisters are spread to almost anywhere. Still we have way more to offer and day seems near when we the Filipino people of this blessed nation be the true citizens of the world.

Pass-up on pleasures, win some glory...
The formula for anything to work is right attitude + whatever is available on anything else.

Negative approach is when you prevent yourself from doing, positive approach is when you act correctly and make things happen.
We cannot be everything we ever hope for but we can be the best of what we are and be happy about it!
Getting richer and richer by needing lesser and lesser while doing more and more.
Understanding the honor or of work and keeping it is one important pre-requisite to enjoy work.
Our government is but just a reflection of us the people that must be kept in as much as we can in delicate balance, when it's no longer true and we the people are better than our government, that is the time that rebellion is due - when our government is way better than us - we deserve to be oppressed and suppressed.
It all starts with the big picture - everybody loves sunny day, but understanding the ecological needs for the rain make life beautiful all year round.
When get caught between looking back and looking forward, I always prioritize the latter with awareness that looking back do give clues on what lies ahead.

Nothing frustrates an honest worker more than the assumption of untrustworthiness.
Perfect state is boring and often a misconception, perfect progression is where life is.
Asking anyone to do beyond their best is slavery, doing your best is professionalism, anything less is opportunity for improvement.
Successful people may have had the same amount of worries as anyone else but they have decided to spend their life eliminating their worries than just to keep worrying.
If doing my best is seen as anything against anyone, I cannot bother myself too much about it.
Do not be jealous when others are happy, it's more important to seek your own happiness.
There's only one way to do things right and unlimited ways to do it wrong or inefficient.

Business is result oriented while teamwork is effort oriented. These serve the same noble purpose of happy work.
Serving people that you like is personal work and is the lowest level or form of work.
Serving people that you do not like and the same way you do for those you like is the start of professionalism.

We all normally have emotions but must not be emotional.
Maturity is demonstrated by containing emotions and keeping rational.

The evil in greed is not about wanting more, it's about not appreciating what we're getting!
Is the ideal world without helpdesk? - we do not know and we do not want to defend what we do, it's up to them all we have been helping to tell.

Excess is not a license to waste
Support the position, not the person
It's what we are that governs how we see things.
If one cannot empathize to a member in trouble - there's no team at all
There's nothing wrong that we always have a lot more things to learn and to improve as long as we keep moving forward.
Professionals are those whose questions mostly starts with What or Why and much less of How.
New theory of relativity -
H = ta2
Logical decision making, when one does not have all the information can lead to disastrous result.

Sometimes, you cannot do away from accommodating criticisms and oppositions in the short to medium term when you know very well the purpose and value of the long term.
Keeping busy with all the good things about life and let the rest mind their own...
The best winners are those who compete against oneself.
The only way to love and enjoy your work is by doing it... no other way
Being able to measure things by your standard
The evolution of a professional...
True great leaders are the ones that move us forward whether for or against them...
It has never been survival of the fittest because even the fittest cannot survive alone...
If you cannot value your work, you are just pretending to value anything else...
Why we cannot have widespread use of water to hydrogen technology or wireless electricity - the world is not ready for it.
It's OK to dislike each other, but never ever give up on the common objectives
Good people allows circumstances to make good of them, great people makes good out of anything.
True freedom is bounded by where disrupting others starts...
When things are clear to us, that's the time we come up with questions and our work is to answer each...Helpdesk
Loyalty is to the organization not to the person though never forget that the organization is made up of persons including yourself
Hierarchy provides guidance that each of us must be able to independently make the right decisions and actions - never at any instance there should be upward delegation.
If at the end of the day - you can conclude that you have done all that is there to do or part of it and it's more than enough to sustain your organization - you can call it a day with peace of mind and you deserve to be satisfied

You are given the job because other people believe you...you can do the job because you believe yourself

I can accept it better to let go of the past and free the sinners who cannot anymore or will no longer sin than to summarily convict our nation into lack of forward moving actions...
The best way to correct history is by creating a better one...
What comes after vengeance?
The most successful ones are those who bother others only by making them think how he/she can be rewarded

You would not want to identify a problem and just torture everybody about it - act!

I think for some people things just comes as natural and they look good on it...but for me, nothing seems to come naturally, for most of it I need to exert effort to do as if it fits me...

In as much as we love to criticize a weak presidency, in a way it works in our favor...gigantic power weilders will not directly attack us, no terrorism, no direct incursions, they can impose their will through our weak leadership and somehow it's a win big for them and a win small for us...rather than making everybody lose. We have no chance to be a great nation yet, but it buys us time.
We see the world as we are - Stephen Covey; our opinion of the world is based on our own experiences and background but then only when we have factual evidence on things that we start to see it as it is...

Being a member of this team, we are committed to learn together from our own and other's mistakes, be punished for our wrongdoings and be rewarded for our good deeds.
I am for the happiness of those people who finds glory in leading a simple life and also for those who finds joy from simple things despite the enormity of their lifestyle

I am beginning to realize, that talent is not the key to success because talent is a gift, so perhaps it is our attitude towards this gift...
Self discipline is freedom
Sometimes, the only way to get people moving is to encourage them to prove you wrong
When you have so much hate in your heart, you think the problem is because someone is so hateful but in reality it is simply because you have so much hate to give.
Now, in this age - language is the art of understanding rather than art of words
Loyalty to the organization is loyalty to each and every member of the organization
I have made and seen enough errors in life, that now I can be trusted to do things right.
I cannot take you away from the pains...and my love may even give you more...
But i will never stop loving and living...
There are so many ways to love you but I will stick to the ways free of sin...you know what I mean....
Genius- the one who's aware of all he does not know and knows how to know all
Stupid- the one who pretends to know everything
Every hero needs a villain...
Facts of life, not all can be rich, the world will not survive if all lives on lots of money, but all can be happy...
The power of L, makes my wife my life, fight becomes light, diving is living, Neon is Leon, yearning is learning....
God has a lot of tremendously exciting ways to talk to peoples of the world and surely not through the preachers...
Maturity is driven by wisdom which means understanding beyond the usual meanings...
The fact that you ask a lot of questions is a sign of a healthy mind, however frustration about anything not well understood clearly signifies that gaining wisdom and enlightenment is still underway...
I have a bad memory, but I trust my heart will remind me...
Work cannot take away life from us when we do not take away life from work.
Within our control I can guarantee survival, however only synergy can lead us to greatness
Never look too far it will make you blind, when seeing too much is just like seeing nothing in the dark...
Well I should say, do not think about forever, it'll make you lose your life.
Son live your life, live it today as if each day is a building block, you cannot miss one it will leave a gap....
Son live your life...light is in your heart, you know what dampens it so put a stop...
If you make a choice...I do not say a way to get at it...because it's a choice and it's yours, keep it yours and make it happen no matter what's on the outside....
I have reached an age to realize, I cannot hate anyone forever that whenever hate sets in it's a queue to find ways how to transform it unto affection until it's done. I hope all the other parties help out...
Son live your life...and see you somewhere, let's talk about our times...into the fading light...in endless cycle of life in love.
Power, knowledge, charm...these attributes are not useful by default, in fact on the contrary these tend to be harmful unless you carry and manage these well.
Write about the next struggle, when there's no more between race and gender...the challenges of the modern time...speeds up life towards the limit, creating wider gap from generation to generation...then when it settles down...what is next.
Someone else mistake is never an excuse to make your own, in fact on the contrary it's your chance to get it right
When one look back at history, it is not the ideology after all, it's how people make it work...
It's not the weather, it's the weathered!
Standardization and control must never hamper flexibility, creativity and evolution!
Thankful for the gift of dreams...there's no limit to where i can go...
and wherever I go, I can take you ohhhh woohh....
There's nothing I can not do...I can take control and block all the nightmares
when I am dreaming and awake....
Never submit a polished material to the obsessed polishers, leave some rough edges to serve their ego.
The bitch is still on the hitch, naughty naughty.
Is not it time to ditch the bitch on the hitch.
Tools not rules!
Principles and Rules quadrant...
We are all good men, either waiting to recognize goodness in ourselves or waiting for our turn to do good deeds.
The world is heaven or hell, it's up to your heart how you see it.
Sometimes, errors might be inevitable, but denial is...
So long my friend...follow our dreams, I cannot be with you on your way but I am with you all the way...I will see you again someday, you will be in your nice clothes, on your beautiful cars and have and gorgeous wife...I will stay here, we very well know how I might end up...but our dreams will always be bonded together...
“The best decision that can be made is when you can afford it’s failure”
“When you have allocated anything into failure, the best result is when you can count it as a profit of success”
“Anything impossible can only mean it’s possible otherwise simply unnecessary”
Have you ever thought what's in my prayers
Have you ever known how I deal with envy
Contempt in your heart, can you tell it to heaven
Being right is just the first step...
Ability to TRUST is a gift that earns you peace of mind, suspicion is a curse that keeps you troubled. Knowing the truth is a skill that makes you avoid false trust and wrong suspicion, more than that it exposes true allies and foes.
Anything good will only last while we take good care of it...
When you've earned your freedom and your wisdom, everything from the past becomes good memories including the worst times you ever had.
Being cursed is a small price to pay for getting good work done right:-)
Moving up is not about gaining authority it's about earning respect.
There's nothing wrong on "by the book, as long as the book is good"

When you are fattening a cow for profit you cannot overdo on both ends - you feed the cow too little you cannot expect to have more yield or too much, the cost will be beyond the gain.